Afghan Woman Describes Herself as 'One of the Outcasts' Amid Gender Restrictions

In a personal essay published by Hasht-e Subh on Feb. 10, an Afghan woman reflects on her struggles with mental health challenges, economic hardships and gender-based limitations in Afghanistan.

The author recounts moments of deep emotional turmoil, likening herself at times to a clear sky and at others to a wandering cloud. She describes enduring a quarantine sustained by sedatives, sleepless nights fearing she would not see dawn, persistent tears and overwhelming terror. Economic difficulties forced her to abandon her studies and plans, yet she continued despite a broken heart and exhausted mind.

She expresses profound disappointment with her homeland, stating that Afghanistan humiliated her and confined her to the 'four walls called home' because she is a girl. The author recalls few positive memories from the country, only experiences of judgment, humiliation, deprivation and endless comparisons with others.

Externally, she appears joyful with laughter from the heart, but these are rooted in suppressed sobs and unfulfilled dreams. The woman compares herself to a wounded lioness who retreats into silence when her wounds deepen, rather than roaring.

The essay details her fear of unfulfilled aspirations, inability to realize dreams beyond bedtime fantasies, and a growing sense of broken trust and entrenched weakness that silences her voice and limits her motivations. Despite this, she pledges to break her silence, writing about the injustices and restrictions endured.

The author vows to fight for her desires, rights, independent identity and societal respect. She affirms her resilience, having overcome states that toyed with her spirit and psyche, and now embracing a new world. She concludes by identifying as one of the outcasts, those gripped by sobs in their throats but unbroken.